Saturday 9: First Christmas

Good (Friday) evening, y'all. It's been a bit of an age since I've participated. I'm just having a renewal of the deepest part of my grief since losing my son after he took his own life about 15 months ago. I'm trying to surface, but it's very hard. Probably thanks to the bing, bang, boom of the holidays coming through. I'll try not to bring things down with my post.

I see we're following Diane Keaton's song after her passing last year. Crazy Sam has a link to it in the Sat9 post, so make sure you go to that, join us, and link up here!

Saturday 9: First Christmas (2024)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) The song mentions snowmen and snow on a windowpane. Has it snowed near you yet?

Photo Credit: Chloë Odette

We don't get a lot of snow here on the DelMarVa Peninsula (I'm in the Maryland portion of that), but yes, we did actually get snow! Not a lot, and it rained and was all gone with a quickness, but you can see here that it happened! (And you can also see that our winter weathering wasn't done too well! Ayayay...)

2) Diane Keaton sings that hearing "I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes her miss someone she loved who won't be coming home at all. Is there a Christmas song that reminds you of a loved one?

Yes, definitely. My mom was a prolific player of the organ and her voice; she had a lovely soprano. Her favorite Christmas carol was "The First Noel," and as she left us at the tender age of 33 (so I was also very young), that became my favorite carol, too.

 

3) After the song was first released for Christmas 2024, Diane said she appreciated how many people posted on her Instagram, sharing their "First Christmas journeys," explaining how they navigated the first holiday season without a special someone. What have you recently posted on social media (other than this blog post)?

Well, I just a little while ago posted  this photo on Instagram to show my new "high nostril" piercing I just got while my son Nico and I were out together; he got a tragus piercing. You can follow me on IG @melaniepenelopi and I'll follow you back - just please leave me a comment letting me know who you are!

 

4) Diane appeared in the Broadway musical Hair and sang in movies like Annie Hall and The First Wives Club. Still she didn't consider herself "much of a singer." How about you? What's something you do, even though you're not completely comfortable doing it?

Eating, pretty much. Seriously! Between having a complete set of dentures and having problems through the entirety of my GI tract, I'd really rather just give up eating. Especially in public!

 

5) This was Diane's first and, sadly, her only record. She was nervous doing it, but it helped that the lyrics was written by her friend, Carole Bayer Sager, and that both Carole and her writing partner, Jonas Myrin, were with Diane in the studio. Tell us about a friend who came through for you.

Alright. But I'm going tell a deeply personal (and long) story that I don't believe I've ever posted about on any of my blogs before. In August of 2005, when Jack was two, Rob had all three kids in the kitchen with him while he was making them pancakes. I was still upstairs sleeping; the good Hubs let me languish on his days off, often. So, Rob had to go #2. Jack and Chloë had booster seats that attached to the regular chairs and also belted them in; Nico was still in the high chair at four months old. 

As Rob lingered in the bathroom, Jack started getting out of his booster seat. He was only a skinny little man, after all. I don't know the order of things; I'm not sure if I ever did or if I just don't remember at this point. But somewhere between Rob getting back to him and still being in the restroom, I guess, Jack had climbed onto the table, fallen off, and smacked his head. There was a LOT of crying, I remember a stricken Rob telling me. I know Rob told me he felt his head and "nothing was there," but of course we watched him carefully for the next 24 hours for any sign of concussion.

Two weeks later, I was giving all three kids a bath, and that went just fine. As usual, I got them out and dried them from youngest to oldest, but nothing else was usual that night. I had Chloë come out, with help, on her own and dry herself off, because I was in a full-on panic at that point. When I was drying little Jack, I got up to his head and my right thumb sunk in to his head a sickening distance. Truly, I almost vomited. I called Rob and told him, and I said, "You need to come home and take Jack to the ER right now." In the meantime, I dressed all three kids in warm jammies and read stories after teeth were brushed. I was just so worried about my son!

Finally Rob got home and took him to the Naval Hospital where both Jack and his twin, Robby, and also Nico were born. It wasn't that long before he was calling me telling me that police were there, they were grilling him, asking questions, and that I needed to get the other kids out of bed and come down there. Did I say I panicked before? I'm sorry, NOW I was panicked.

Two officers took me into a little interrogation room and begin grilling me immediately. It was bad cop, bad cop, and I was so shocked at what and how they were asking me! "Why did you do it, Ms. Odette? What happened that day? Walk us through it. How did you do it? What did Jack do? Come on, give us something. Did you do it? Did you do it? Did you do it?" I was just firmly and tearfully steadfast in my innocence, but we had learned that Jack actually had a decent-sized skull fracture. I didn't like imagining what they thought I could have done! The only thing I could think of - and Rob, too - was that day two weeks earlier when Jack had smacked his head on the floor, but the officers, with all their medical knowledge and wisdom, protested that this injury would have manifested itself much sooner.

Our one glimmer of home was the forensic pathologist, who would be able to corroborate our story - or not. But she was on vacation for over a month. A. MONTH.

In the meanwhile, we were told that we could go home with the kids, but social workers from CPS were going to follow us there. *barf* The main social worker pretty much dropped the bomb on us right from the moment we let the two of them in (newsflash, America: you don't have to do that): they were going to take our three babies and put them in foster care right then and there. I tell you what. Never has a mother screamed, cried, carried on, screamed some more, and kept on caterwaulin' loudly. I objected, needless to say. I shouted, because I couldn't help it, NOBODY IS GOING TO LOVE MY CHILDREN MORE THAN ME! NOBODY IS GOING TO TREAT MY CHILDREN BETTER THAN I WILL! EVEN THE BEST FOSTER PARENTS ON THEIR BEST DAYS ARE NOT GOING TO LOVE, PROTECT, AND CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN AS MUCH AS WE WILL! PLUS I AM STILL BREASTFEEDING THIS TINY BABY! I WILL *NOT* STOP BREASTFEEDING MY BABY! And they suggested I pump the milk and bring it over to the fosters. I vehemently objected to that on so many levels it would make the entire La Leche League proud.

But then, that did the trick, and there was a break in the clouds. An alternative plan was presented: If we were "babysat" during the entire time we were with our kids, until the forensic pathologist came back and evaluated our case, we could keep our kids home. It could take four or more weeks, though, so we had to get figuring. Starting with the immediate future. Rob got on the phone with his parents, while I got on the phone with everyone in town that I knew. I even called Ellie at Sears Portrait Studio, who loved my kids and took their portraits at least every month, but she couldn't get off work soon enough. We finally managed to secure someone from our church - who did not even know us - to come right away, but only overnight.

This is the part that answers the question: My friend Erika, who lived in Southern California at the time, could not come out and babysit us where we were in Virginia Beach back then. But, she was able to pay for our mutual friend Amy, who lived in Michigan at the time, to come fly to us and stay with us for the first week. So not one, but two friends who came through for us when we really needed them, and for that, I will be forever grateful. (Not to mention, Amy was with child then.)

The next week, Rob's mom came to baby sit us, and then it was his stepmom, Denise, and then it was his Dad. At the end of all this, the forensic pathologist had put all of the evidence in Jack's case together, and she made the determination that yes, the type of injury we described could cause such a fracture with a sloooow fluid leak outside of the skull that would not have been noticed for a full two weeks. We were cleared of all charges, CPS and social workers got the hell out of our home and our lives, and what a huge relief that was. We were just so thankful (and remain so) for everyone who helped us keep our kids where they belonged. ♥

6) After her 75th birthday, Diane said she was excited that new ventures were coming her way and she found herself saying "yes" more often. In addition to recording this week's song, she accepted an unexpected offer from Look Optic to design eyewear. Have you recently tried something you've never done before? OR What's something you'd like to try?

I would like to send and receive a telegram. It's on my Bucket List. Would anyone want to exchange telegrams? Oh, I know! Also on my Bucket List:

I've never learned to play chess. Now's my time. I want to learn in 2026.

 

Now for some questions about the holiday season ...

7) Do you display the holiday cards you receive?

Oh yes! We haven't gotten many yet this year, but we always display them in our little Christmas tree card holder. Speaking of which, if you'd like a card from us, leave me a comment and I'll get back to you for the details. We have plenty!

8) This is a big time of year for necklaces, hats and headbands decorated with jingle bells. Will you be wearing any bells this season?

Hmm. I haven't thought of that! I do have some jingle bells I could put on something, maybe a scarf with some fringe? I'll have to do it and get back to you!

 

9) The website Morning Save included these three items on their list of this season's popular gifts. Would you rather receive: a. cup holder/phone mount for your car; b. sherpa lined clog slippers; c. set of three stainless paring knives with rosemary green plastic handles?

Well, while I don't really need any of those things, I would be very appreciative that the giver thought of me to give a gift. I would find the first one the most useful, I think, so I choose that, followed by the slippers. My husband is kind of a knife fiend, so the last choice might have a hard time getting by him. Plus the plastic handles aren't my fave.

If I don't make it back here before 2026, I hope all of you have wonderful holidays, no matter how you're celebrating. 

xoxo ~m